i think you guys should know. o0o

To some idiots out there :


I can't start a passage nicely sometimes,
I got the points to write but just
I don't know what to write as the opening title.
One of my friend always wonder why the hell
I hate boys so damn much.
Finally I remember the reason why I hate them so damn much,
some of them, I even planned to kill them. But just plan, and of course i did not take any single action. =.=
I used to be a normal kid, normal girl as others.
I wore dresses, I tied pony tails, I dreamed , fantasized about the future.
But then, nightmares came.

I hate boys because of their infinite stupidity,
endless ignorance and uncountable childish acts.
I've been bullied by boys since form one when i was thirteen years old.
Verbally, emotionally and mentally abused and experienced all kind of harassment.
They made thousands kinds of jokes on me,
laughed at me like I'm the clown in the circus,
Bully me and even boycott me. As a new student that transferred from other school,
I got no friends at all at that time. They didn't get to know me,
and they just judged me using their prawn-size brain and the worst is,
some of those idiots just spread their "professional" comments on me around the school.
Then, the people that don't know me think that I'm that "terrifying and horrible" girl.
They gave me thousands of nicknames, made those " uncivilized " jokes and even
look down on me. They were so proud of themselves and think that
I'm a tiny little small potato, a person that let them to make jokes with and humiliate without any limit.










If you were me, what will you do ?
I bet you will cry and run out of that classroom and rush out to the school, right ?
But, I managed to stay in that school for 5 years.
Faced those beasts, sluts and bitches,and succeed to restrain
myself from bursting and tolerate with them.
I avoid, I pretend to be deaf and blind, I built walls around myself.
In the nutshell, I hate all of them.
YOU WON'T KNOW HOW I MANAGED TO OVERCOME THESE SHIT
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO KNOW ALSO, HOW COLD-HEART AND EVIL AM I.
I smile at you, that doesn't mean I like you. Probably I'm cursing you and thinking
what categories should you be put in. Idiots ? Mongrels ? Beasts ? Tapeworms ?
or reproductive organ of  the mongrels. If you know what I mean.


Let me tell you, what reasons lead me to this kind of fucking damn situation.
Physical appearance is the main reason.
I'm not beautiful. I'm not slim. I'm not pretty and decent.
I'm not girlish and the most important is I'M NOT AS MAINSTREAM AS OTHER.
I'm abnormal. I don't do the things that a normal girl will do.
Self-abased. Low self-esteem.
I don't believe in people, I don't love people, I mean human being, homo sapiens.
I'm an alien. I always think that why the hell I even exist in this damn cruel world.
You will never know how much of tears behind every smile I've present to you today.
Until that day, a rainy day, finally I left that school that full of dumb ass and whores.
I re-pick myself. I was like released from the jail. Reincarnation.

Unfortunately, this kind of sick scenes re-appear again in my form 6 life.
I don't want to mention their ugly names here.
But I really want to shout out that :
Hey, you dumbos. If you think humiliating and harassing me will make
you feel better, then I'm going to tell you, you are just one of those
ordinary brainless guys out there and yet you are a pitiful naive bug that only
stuck yourself in a tiny little box of world that you think that's already your
whole world. Frog under a well. Yea. Best description.

I don't and I won't change myself to impress you and make you
all think that I'm normal. God created me this way, and i feel
completely comfortable and awesome with myself.
I won't lost my own identities like what you guys did,cause you guys lost it.
You gang of ignorance dog dick think that change yourselves into
some kind of people will impress and satisfy the person you want to
impress of, but somehow you never know you guys are such a dumbo
and brainless creature. Even the jelly fish is smarter than you.

Yes. I'm ugly. So, is my ugliness bothered you ?
Yes. I'm fat, plump, short, and all other
bad adjective words you can think of.
So what ? Does any adjective words mentioned up there disturbed
your fucking idiot money wasting life ? Mirror your damn retard face
and make sure you are perfect before you judge me with your freaking small
size useless brain. Since you still have some intelligence, why don't you just
use them in a right way, like think of how eyesore you are instead
of open your stinky mouth and humiliating me.

Yes.
Of course you can talk about me.
But there is a limit.
Even when i get into a relationship or even a normal friendship, there's still a value of humiliation on me.
WHAT THE FUCK wrong with you guys ? Do i need to get you shit guy's approval and agreements
before I fall in love with some human being or be friends with them ? Come on.
Yes.
For you guys, these kind of mongrels, physical appearance is the first priority right ?
Fuck you all. 
But i believe that person that deserve my love is someone can figure out
and dig out my inner beauty and appreciate everything I've hidden inside my
wall and behind those fake smiles. And i believe also, the person that
deserve to be my friends and share everything with me is someone that
know me, the positive side of me.
Honestly, the dark side, the horrible side of me will only
activate i have to encounter the dick head like you guys.


I'm not a mainstream like catalyst, the girl you all bastards adore.
So sad to tell you, you these blinded idiots that are just looking for physical appearance,
you guys are fool and fooled by her and her kinds of bitch.
Trust the fake and ignore the truth.
I shall wait and see the dramas.

TRUST NO BASTARDS.
Think before you speak.
Put yourself in other's shoes.

I'm immune to these kind of harassment,
innuendos,taunts and bullying...
Even the person i used to love and the person i used to
attach to and cling to.
They suddenly have became the attackers.
well, I think I have to hide myself from this damn world.
To the true friends of mine, I appreciate that you entered and beautified my life.
Thank you very much.
To those stinky-mouth, prawn-size brain mongrels,
I won't waste my time to hate and angry with you, it will only kills my precious brain cells.

Just i believe, karma will find you and give you a big big punch on your
damn face that only you and your mom thinks that's fine looking.
Even you dog is sick of your damn face.

stop verbal abusing, it;s killing the victim.

THE END

lose weight project in processing. :)

hehe.
gam fei, minus fat, lose weight....
cincai apa la...
sick of being 'verbally abused' by my family.. my brother and dad especially..
both of them keep calling me fatty bum bum... uuurrrrggghhh...
Nah, i started my lose weight project A since last week, inspired
by a photographer during a simple photo shooting session.

That day, i went for a photo shooting because i'm the
bride's maid for my friend's cousin.
Wearing the bride's maid gown, doing hair up....
no need to make up, cause i'm only 'keh leh fair', just stand beside and smile.
OH NO... i look fat. Fat like a pig.
Shit, then i keep murmuring aside, and the photographer keep asking me to
SMILE, SMILE, BE CONFIDENCE, SMILE.
ain't he suppose to focus on the bride ? He said, i am ruining the whole photo.
please cooperate..... oh please, i fat like a pig, and u want to smile..? =(

Then during the break time, he came and talk to me.
He said, girl, no need to be upset. You are not ugly although not that pretty.
haha, he is a straight person, i like him.
Then he said again, the weak point of mine is not fat, but plump, not slim enough.
i look clumsy because i'm not confidence enough.

Yor.... then he asked me to exercise more, try to hold myself from the
temptations of snacks, junk food. No sweet food, no noodles, instant mee...
drink more waters and SLEEP EARLY.
if i am not that plump, i can be very photogenic, he told me.
MUAHAHAHA. i happy until max. when i heard this. HAHAHAHA

Thanks for his advises and inspirations. Because he used to be a fat boy.
sadly, the picture captured that day has copy right, so i can't take it out.
My lose weight project begins. Wait and see the result :)

i know i am fat :)
please wait, i will be slim in one day.
my lose weight project will succeed in one day :)
YOU SHALL WAIT.

My dad asked me to lose weight. LOL

Hahahahaha. Let me finish laughing first, HAHAHAHAHA.
that day, yesterday i think, uhm, my dad was doing some housework in the dry kitchen.
He yelled at me and  requested me to do his job for him..
and i was... uhm doing my own thing if not mistaken..
So i was forced to remove my butt from the chair and heading to the kitchen.....
i was hopping and jumping around, like a psycho... LOL..
then i saw the door was half-closed and a tiny little slit there...
and i thought i could pass through that slit...
and BANG... my right butt get hit by the door and my left butt hit my father's face
as he was bending down his head to mop the floor.
MUAHAHAHAH. Both of us laughed like hell.....

and he started teasing me ... keep asking me to lose weight.
if not, nobody will marry me, and he has to 'feed' me until don't know when..
Hey, dad.. i'm trying to keep fit here. But those food, even a bread can be so tempting
when i'm trying to on diet. LOL.
every time when i open the fridge, and he will starts to call me 'fatty'... =.=|||... this is my dad...
oh my gosh..... food... stay away from me... HAHAHA... imposibruuuu... :)


okay, back to normal.
my dad is a wise man although he always teases me... =.=
he asked me start learning German language for preparation to study abroad in Germany next year. :)
Wow, it seems like he is serious this time. German..? oh, football..? gymnastic handsome boy..??
German hotdog...??? LOL. i know nothing about Germany ... Study abroad..??

My dad said i'm sucks in studies. Oh, this one i admit. Haha. maths especially... it's so torturing...
And chemistry.. oh no.. worst than maths. It's like some Alien language for me although they are just
the combination of alphabets and numbers..adding some ugly symbols.. HA...

So, he asked me to focus on my piano. get the diploma here and ‘roll' to Germany to study music.
Of course, i gotta try my best not to fail my STPM. :)
Yeah, seems like, my path is now fixed, well-planned.

But, study abroad in Germany, are you kidding me...?
that wouldn't be easy.....
but challenge accepted. Cause i don't wanna stuck in Ipoh and M'sia anymore.
i need to expose myself to the bigger and more colorful world. :)

hehehe. now get back and redo my maths.
and study Chemistry....T.T....

i might not have a beautiful face, but definitely i own a beautiful life.
with great friends, lovely family members and cute pets.
Thanks God :)